All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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