yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
