Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
