The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
