I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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