We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
