I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize