An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
