I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
