When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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