The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
