I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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