Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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