therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
