Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
