she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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