Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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