I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
