It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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