yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
