I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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