I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
