I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
