Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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