This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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