I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
