My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
