What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
