We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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