is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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