he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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