Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
