am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
