..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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