I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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