I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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