Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
