Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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