If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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