I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
