You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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