And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
