I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I checked into jail on foursquare
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
