So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
