Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
