I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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