I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
