I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
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Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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