If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize