she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
