How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
