drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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