i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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