remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
