Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is wine microwaveable?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
