Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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