Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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