So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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