It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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