Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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