WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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