the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
