He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
