Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
