If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
