If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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