dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
