can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
