Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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