the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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