You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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